Ok, so we are in the mood for a horror movie, and I came across Charlie’s Farm staring Tara Reid, Nathan Jones, Kane Hodder and Bill Moseley. So this is a slasher type horror movie about a group of young idiots who go traversing into the Australian outback to visit this house in the middle of nowhere where a family was murdered.
Since I’m writing this as I watch it, let’s talk about a few things. First, Tara Reid is a trainwreck. She is a kind of terrible “actress”, the movie starts out showing off her only assets, and I can’t help but to hope that she gets the axe at some point before the movie ends.
Second billing in the cast listing is Nathan Jones, “who’s that?” you may ask, he is a massive human being, 6’11” and 340lbs!!! If you’ve seen Mad Max: Fury Road, he played Rictus Erectus, the huge dude who was the right hand man of lead bad guy Immortan Joe. So far in the movie, the group of kids stopped at a bar and pissed off a group of locals who are not thrilled about the group of young idiots heading out to Charlie’s Farm.
Third billing in the movie is the one, the only, the living legend himself, Kane Hodder. Since some of you will inevitably not know who he is, he is best known playing the role of silent killer Jason Vorhees. So far I haven’t seen him yet, but at least the young idiots are camping out in the outback telling stories about what happened at Charlie’s Farm.
This story telling flashback is where we see Bill Moseley, I think he is just fantastic. You’d know him best as Otis from House of 1000 Corpses and Devil’s Rejects. He appeared in the story telling flashback, he was the father in the messed up family (another one, very similar to his crazy weirdo role from the previously two mentioned movies).
Turns out that Kane Hodder plays a totally non-killing anyone kind of role, kind of disappointing really. Oh geez, they arrived to the house on Charlie’s Farm. Two guys and two girls, the whole happy party is wandering onto what is seemingly private property to investigate for entertainment the house of a possible murder. They arrived to the house, it’s all messed up, trashed, bordering on ransacked, like any former murder house should be! Oh, in case you wanted to watch the trailer for this, see below.
After the quartet decides to sleep in the house (or maybe an other building on the property, not certain), the one chick wakes up and see’s a massive human being looming in the entrance, hmm, could this be Charlie?! After waking up, two more campers arrive and now it becomes a party full of Australian’s and Tara Reid (the yankee). So now that they have a group of six people, they still ever so cliche’ horror movie tactic, decide to split up, four go one way, the other two go another. Oh lord, now the two who went all Scooby Doo are going to go swimming in the nearby crick… if this doesn’t spell death and possible dismemberment, I’m not sure what will.
OH! We have our first kill! The two nobody campers went out on their own to another outbuilding, and man oh man did they ever get killed!!! A few moments later, another murder and this one, he really got stuffed!!! Then his little girlfriend, she gets some unwanted surgery performed. When people start dying, people really start dying!!! Oh and of course, Tara Reid, who cannot act to save her life, is the one who lives… at least for now!
But no, the giant who can’t act very well either wants to keep the silicone vixen, so naturally he takes her to his lair of death and rotting corpses. So what does she do when she wakes up, then lurks around the house of carcasses, she takes a necklace off of one of the still juicy bodies. Wait… why in the green gables did she do that? Well, either way, Tara at least gets hers with what may be one of the worst endings I’ve ever seen.
In closing, you want to watch a totally cliche’ slasher flick, get this. If not, don’t waste your time on it.